First Time on a Dating App — End of Week Three

Of Thank yous, getting flamed, those ‘fish’ photos’ and exiting stage left

TL:DR — I’ve unsubscribed. And I’ve met someone I’m going to focus on

Week Three Overview — Its a Big World Out There

Both Hinge and Bumble continue their dopamine bombardment and the essence of them overall, is not positive. It’s a slow build up of emotional fatigue and whatever the word is — overwhelm? Despair? Angst? Angst seems about right. I can’t fathom how anyone can stay in this process and not get weighed down by it all.

In Barry Schwartz’ book The Paradox of Choice, he highlights the kind of decision barrier that emerges when faced with too much choice. In the end, many people struggle to decide at all. These apps seems to promote the idea that ‘maybe there’s someone better just a swipe away’.

Better than who? Better how?

Both Hinge and Bumble (and I suspect most of the others) rely on people seeking a match. Trouble is, its based on a shallow and thin perception built on a few photos and a few responses to some standard questions. Nothing is real here, everything is a pitch, an opening gambit. Swipe right, swipe left in a digital coliseum.

In my brain and my heart, I needed to move beyond that Dating App setting quickly. So let’s app chat, talk via phone, meet for a coffee or a walk, see what lines up and what feels real about each other. The Dopamine Nation infused (Dr Anna Lembke) App algorithms with their hearts and roses and superswipes are too much for me.

Exiting gracefully

It’s been a whirlwind of activity across 3 weeks and I’ve app met and IRL met some wonderful people, had some interesting conversations and gained an understanding of what App dating life is like for many people.

Each person I was chatting with was contacted via app or phone to thank them for their interest, advised I was fortunate to have found someone I’d like to get to know more deeply, and I wished them well on their search.

Apparently that’s a novel idea! All (bar one) thanked me for making the effort to let them know and wished me well. The ‘bar-one’ person went into flame mode…