Member-only story
First Time on a Dating App — End of Week Two
Coffee, walks, connections, and a tear filled chat — still overwhelmed and coming to grips with this evolving dating landscape.
Stats Up-Date for Hinge and Bumble
End of week two update shall be short, so let’s give you the overall stats
Hinge: 45+ requests for contact (plus other ‘softer’ prompts)
Bumble: 150+ ‘notifications’ (likes, prompts, waves or whatever)
In the first story (https://medium.com/p/d28d2c60a3a2) writing about week one, you’ll see why I feel this level of interest is unwarranted, let alone unexpected. And it still feels ‘heavy’ to experience.
The Posse, and Sensai-Sam have been telling me to stick with it, and in Sensai-Sam’s case, firmer on just swiping people off the page. Although getting there, it’s uncomfortable even as the advice ‘they’re swiping as well’ sits front and centre.
Adapting to the Demand Model
The many comments from people on the platforms ‘you’ll get used to it’ offer little comfort. I DON’T want to get used to swiping people who’ve made an effort, off to the digital dustbin as if their efforts, their existence didn’t matter.
And I’m balancing being pragmatic with how I operate in the world.
The algorithm’s are smart. They’re designed to generate little dopamine hits of positive feels — they want you swiping hard to the right as fast as you can. It’s a Candy-Crush addiction model but the lollies are people.
Real People.
So here’s how I’ve adapted. Rather than an instant ‘X’ swipe of a profile on Hinge or a swipe left on Bumble. I view a profile, read the comments, assess the pictures. And let it sit in my inbox and go back and re-read, to try and ‘see’ the person who reached out. I don’t crave the next ‘like’, rose or superswipe. I crave the ‘Thank you and I wish you well’ button I suggested was needed in the Week One story. It does nothing in the grand scheme of things I know and does add allow me to at least recognise someone is real.
