My Friendship with a Woman is Being Challenged -
By Other Women!
Can women and men ever be ‘just friends’. As the trope in ‘When Harry Met Sally Goes’, Harry is a firm ‘No’ because all men want to sleep with every woman they meet. Sally thinks that’s a ridiculous situation, though holds onto an ongoing fantasy about some faceless stranger ripping off her clothes so they can get intimate.
For what it’s worth, Harry’s got it partly right. It’s likely that the thought of intimacy has crossed a man’s mind, and dare I suggest it, same goes for a woman too. After all, how do you ‘rule out’ an intimate desire unless you’ve considered it at some point? That might be an instantaneous judgement call or take a little while. And it HAS been considered. That, realistically, is the only way you can decide that someone is, or is not your type.
Where Harry does get it wrong is in suggesting that such a thought persists.
I have a great friendship with a single mom of two kids who is smart, engaging, passionate about her areas of interest, and yes, attractive in how she looks too. We have great and deep conversations on a range of topics. I’ve gotten to know her two kids at some level and have shared many a meal with them. We play board-games, discuss our own kids, challenges with single parenting, and bigger issues of the world.
And that friendship has been challenged (and occasionally attacked), mostly by other women I know, other friends.
She has been accused by other women about leading me on. I’ve been told that she must be looking to me to be a surrogate parent to her kids and to be careful. Been told that even though we are great people, we would not be a good match and that I should look elsewhere. And other like comments.
It’s all rather odd. To see both of us together would likely display two people who get on really well. And if you pay attention, you’d see that there’s no romantic interest at all.
In fact early on I did have a thought flash into my head saying ‘…would make a great partner…’. So I checked in: ‘hey look, I had this thought flash into my head and just want to be clear on where we’re at’. My friend confirmed that was not a space she was entertaining in anyway.
We’re both very clear. Yet a number of our other shared friends (women) and some women I know my friend does not, seem to be under the impression there’s some misdirection taking place. I find that frustrating and annoying. If women question other women about having male friends, what’s the only role here — to be either a romantic partner past or present, or be a persona non grata non existent being?
Here’s why I spend a lot of time with this person:
She is passionate about things, many which I also enjoy;
She’s smart — the conversations are richly intertwined with thought challenging topics;
I like her kids and I like helping them — mine are a bit older and I miss doing things with them that I like helping kids learn to do;
Time flies when we spend time together — my brain needs the kinds of mental stimulation and challenges she brings to the table and I feel I probably provide a similar outlet for her. She appreciates the kind of adult representation I show her kids is possible.
It’s a great friendship. I am not going to walk away from this friendship simply because some people can’t wrap their head around the fact that yes, women and men can be friends. None of my male friends seem to have an issue. I wish those other female friends questioning our friendship would see the same that I do.
