Understanding the Male Friendship Deficit

It’s the difference between social networks and proximity networks

Author’s Lab pup building its social network!

Men are lonely. Many are alone and lonely, many are not alone and lonely. And the ultimate reason comes down to how we (men) have structured our society. Turns out that the model we’ve created to benefit ourselves (and by ‘ourselves’ I mean ‘men’) has a price to pay.

That price as we’re now discovering, is loneliness.

That’s right gents — down at your local the barkeep has called last-drinks and you’re faced with having to settle your tab. And many of us are none too happy with what’s on the bill.

Understanding a Social Network v a Proximity Network.

A recent FB Reel has gone viral enough not because there’s been so many views (plenty!) it’s because there’s been sooo many comments. Mostly by men and yes, not solely by men. In that reel a voice over poses a question from Reddit —
“…men who do you call when you’re at your lowest?”

It’s a great question. And the answer provided (unfortunately by younger men only imo) is ‘no one’. As in ‘wait what, you mean others actually have someone to call? kind of no-one. The comments though are FILLED by men of all ages lamenting their lot. At their lowest men have no one they feel they can turn to,

And it all comes down to how men have created a model that relies on proximity for a version of friendship.

A Proximity network emerges when a relationship forms as a result of nearness, usually in physical location. That means for many men, a sports club, university or work. And that’s all good and fine except for one overlooked issue — men by and large do not aim to build a long term friendship relationship BEYOND the advantage that physical space affords them. Which means when the sport is over, University finished or a job change occurs, the single proximity thread upon which that relationship existed, breaks.

And the connection and relationship goes with it.

Men, WE created this platform. We’ve designed the system, opted out of home care, opted out of grocery shopping, opted out of a fair proportion of unpaid work (child care, cleaning the house, organising etc)…